Loads of pages to fill / dead air to talk over / blog posts to write and a fairly limited number of new things happening at any one time.
But it must also be the form of journalism which most churns out the same old tired cliches and phrases. Here are my top five:
1. 110 per cent
It's impossible unless your figure is comparative so leave it alone. I will accept "Newcastle United have increased their number of wins by 110 per cent". I will not accept "David Silva has given 110 per cent today". Go to the back of the class.
2. Unsung hero
Occasionally this is used correctly. For example, you might say that Attilio Lombardo is the unsung hero of Manchester City. Very few people know what he does, or that he is even at Eastlands, but as the team is currently very successful, he seems to be doing it well.
However, I will not be happy if I again see Scott Parker described as an unsung hero at Spurs. He is currently Football Writers' Player of the Year, Tottenham's fans sing his name louder than all others and the Match of the Day team go all misty-eyed at the mere mention of his name. Leave it out. Right out.
3. Referee
OK so this is not a cliche but, for the love of Le Tissier, please stop talking about the whistlers all the time. Yes. They make mistakes. Yes. We can see the errors after we have watched an incident 12 times from four different angles and at super slo-mo but come now do we need to pull every decision apart every game?
4. Good touch for a big fella
Footballing folklore goes that if you're tall you have limited skill because you always have a cold head up there in the clouds. So every time Crouch attempts a back heel or Carroll beats his man we have to hear about how unusual it is. Get over it. We rarely hear the phrase 'terrible touch for a tiddler' despite its obvious application in connection with Theo Walcott or Sean Wright-Phillips.
5. Literally
Do you know what literally means? It literally means that something is exactly like something else. So, catching myself in my fly when I zipped up after a loo break is literally the most painfully embarrassing experience I have ever had. Robin Van Persie is not literally a thoroughbred racehorse. Messi did not literally leave the defender for dead. And yes Jamie Redknapp I'm talking to you.
Mind you when you see what happens if people in football try out some new terminology, perhaps it's better they do stick to cliches.
Here, here...although I do like a good whinge about the w***ker in the black (or yellow, or green, or red)
ReplyDeleteWe all like a wee dig at the ref but don't you think it's just got a bit crazy?
ReplyDeleteHow often do you see a team miss five open goals and yet the manager claims the result swung on a contested throw-in on the halfway line?
Neil Warnock springs to mind as the worst!
ReplyDelete