Top 10 Bugbears in Running.

My posts for the past three weeks have mostly been focussed on the details of my training. But now I’m into Week Three the extra miles have made me tired and grumpy so it’s time to post my Top 10 Bugbears in Running.

10. Headphone zombies: Walking to work is good exercise; music is motivational. I realise it smooths the commute if you can tune in when you walk but, for the love of all that is holy, try to walk in a straight line and don’t scream when someone overtakes you and wrenches you from the little bubble that you’ve been existing in for the past five minutes.

9. Bleeping watches: I had to run four miles of the Highworth 5 next to someone who had clearly been over ambitious when setting their virtual race partner. This meant their watch was blaring out “TOO SLOW, TOO SLOW, TOO SLOW” beeps every five seconds. The runner couldn’t hear though - they had headphones in so it was only the rest of us that had to suffer.

8. Overtakers who cut in: In a race it’s usually a sign they’re regretting the overtake already but still you nearly end up in a faceplant and have to check your stride. Here’s a thought: Overtake, do a shoulder check and then, if you are clear of the person you are overtaking, move back inside.

7. ‘Amusing’ revealing costumes: It seemed a good idea to put on that mankini or French maid’s outfit didn’t it? But now’s it’s cold, and you’re paranoid the crowds are laughing at your bits, and your fellow runners are sick of watching your wobbling, hairy buttocks. Think it through people, think it through.

6. Smug ultrarunners: We get it, you’ve ‘run’ 50 miles or maybe more but do you have to belittle everyone else’s achievements? “A marathon? That’s a sprint to to me”, “I don’t get out of bed for a 10km”. It’s horses for (running) courses Smugo and, yes we do all experience schadenfreude every time you post on Facebook to say you ‘got pulled out’ at 70 miles and failed to finish again.

5. Faddists: “No-one who knows anything about running wears shoes with thick soles (AKA “I’ve read Born To Run in the past five months), “Road running just means you're a sheep and a slave to the corporate machine (AKA “I’ve read Run Wild in the past five months). They’re great books and the authors are passionate advocates for specific lifestyles but when we see you limping along in your Vibram Five Fingers or wading through mud with sheer misery on your face just so you can ‘be part of the movement’, we generally feel pity. And we titter. A bit. On the inside. And sometimes on the outside a little too.

This actually is me. But only for illustrative purposes

4. Runners’ selfies: Do we have to see a picture of you every time you leave the house with running gear on? You’re not fooling anyone you know, we all suspect that it's just for show.

3. Triathlon runs: I love Triathlon and I love the fact that because I am a rubbish swimmer and average cyclist I spend most of my run flowing past people. But they’re never the right distance. The 5km run at Blenheim Triathlon is 5.4km and the 10km at London Triathlon is (or at least was) 9.4km. I can see a bike route is hard to get spot-on but when its a multi-lap run just sort it out will you? Thanks.

2.Supposed to be 10: But can't think of any more because

1. Running is AWESOME